bothfoulandfair | eleven ❅ voice

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eleven ❅ voice

[This is the first time Elsa - the real Elsa, not someone from a flood - has thought to post publicly to the network in a long time. She's out and about more often now rather than hiding in her room almost exclusively, but it's still... hard. Everything about this has been hard, and she just wants it to stop.]

I've been doing a lot of thinking- [About a lot of things, but really one thing in particular.] About people with powers. People like me.

What's it like for them, in your world? If they exist.

[She's tempted to leave it at that, but.]

Most of the stories I've heard haven't been very reassuring.

[So the idea of life after the Barge is not really an exciting thing to consider.]

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And?

And, well not everyone is so eager to keep their powers after they develop them. Whether they qualify as useful or not.

You're the first person I've ever heard say something like that.

The very first one? Truly? [His tone is more interested than it is skeptical; he's both surprised and not.]

Would I have reason to lie about it?

It wasn't your veracity there I was challenging. My pardon. [It's all flatly said, formality rather than concern. But at least he says it.] I'm only surprised to find I'm evidently the only one here who would cop to being less than fond of their altered state.

I'm surprised there aren't more people who feel that way.

More people who would prefer to live normal lives rather than constantly being harassed and hindered? Yes. Go figure.

[After that bleak bit of sarcasm, though, he switches to a more musing tone.]

It's the perspective, I suppose. They prefer to focus on how it makes us "special". "Unique". Try to dismiss all the rest as merely the cost of being so lucky. The...minor drawbacks, where adjustments simply have to be made. [That last sentence is a terribly sardonic one, naturally.]

[Elsa just sounds sad, and maybe a little wistful.

Maybe a lot wistful.]

I know my powers can be beautiful, but I'd still trade it all to just be normal.

[There's a pause, before he responds:] You're lucky your powers can even be that.

[And that's the closest he comes to wallowing in feeling sorry for himself, before he switches focus seamlessly, as if the previous statement had never even occurred.]

For all the added strength my condition can give me...no, like you, it isn't even a question were I offered to trade one for the other. I wasn't like this before. I know what it's like, to have a normal life. To have my life. I want it back.

It isn't a crime, to want that much. It's only what we should have, in the first place.

[The change in tone makes Elsa hesitate a beat before answering, but she still does, because she's curious, and well. He really is the only person she's talked to who understands wanting your powers gone and sticking with it.]

Has your warden tried to convince you to accept you'll always be this way?

[Heh.] He hasn't come out and directly said as much. In fact he and a few of other scientifically inclined minds are trying to help find me a solution.

But he already knew that I was looking for a cure for months before I even got here. And that nothing promising had come up so far. So, maybe he simply didn't want to be the one to put the nail in that particular coffin.

If you graduate, you could make a deal to reverse it.

That's assuming a lot, isn't it? [More dry than aggressive, this time.]

I suppose so.

What about you, then? Is that what you might try for? Graduate, and then stay on as a warden for a reversal? It does seem a rather common path.

[She asked him, he thinks it's only fair it gets asked back. Even if he didn't really answer.]

I have no idea what I'm going to do.

[She really, really doesn't. And she's not going to bother pretending like she does.]

An understandable feeling, considering your situation.

[And that's not sarcastic at all; he's being completely honest, with that particular sentiment.]

You have options, of course. Stay here and play along with the program. Stay here and don't. Or start being more aggressive, looking for a way to try and escape.

Right now though none of those has anything standing out for them, making them look more promising or palatable than the rest. It's all a muddle.

Is that what you're considering now?

Yes.

[He's a bit cagey, but sees no real point in denying it, in the end. Not like to anyone it would come as much of a surprise.]

Escape seems like it would be...difficult, to put together. And it would require collusion. I have no desire for what this place is asking of me; I don't want to change. But dragging my feet and trying to stay put isn't producing much in the way of results, either.

Ergo. My dilemma.

[He has no idea what he's going to do either, Elsa. He's just too proud to actually phrase it that way.]

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eleven ❅ voice

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